Be Still My Soul | All is Well

‘Tis Grace that Brought Me Safe Thus Far…

September 20, 2018 By Shelly Durkee

Today, I turn 49.

And because it is my nature to do so, I am a bit reflective this morning.

49 years
588 months
2,556 weeks
17,897 days
429,528 hours
25,771,680 minutes
1,546,300,800 seconds
1.80 billion heart beats
386.3 million breaths

That is so wild to think about. 17,897 days. Almost 26 MILLION minutes.

Chatting with my coworker and friend earlier this week, she told me, “You don’t look almost 49!” I of course told her that I have fantastic hair stylist who is AMAZING at coloring my grays (Thanks, Ivonne – truly, you are the best!)

But sitting here today – praying, studying, thinking……the idea that 2,556 weeks have passed since my mother gave birth to me in a suburb of Denver, Colorado is nearly overwhelming and a bit staggering.

What have I done with my life?

And, what will I do with what remains?

As has been my habit, for lack of a better term, over the past few years, I turned to Psalm 139 on this birthday morning. It is a passage that speaks to my soul often, and reminds me that God knows me.

He knows my name.

He knew me before I was formed. Even on the days when I have doubted His existence, or wondered if God had abandoned me…and, there have been times in my life when such days far outnumbered days of sensing His nearness…that these words were what I clung to with a white-knuckled grasp, nearly throwing them back at God as if to say, “See, God? You say right here that you know me…that you see me!:

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
²You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
³You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways…

My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.

But this morning, in considering the amount of time that has passed since the day I was born and the contemplative mood that I found myself in, my eyes and soul were drawn to this verse in particular:

⁵You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.

Sit with that a moment, dear reader. Can you picture these words – Almighty God, Creator of all things, from the tiniest bug to the vast universe, He who is Holy, Just, Omniscient and Omnipresent….the one who sent His son as a sacrifice for our sins, and then three days later raised that same son and thus granting salvation and hope to those who believe….that very same God….

…hems me in, behind and before.

That very same God….

….lays His hand upon me.

My soul. It is almost too much to comprehend.

It brings to mind John Newton’s hymn, “Amazing Grace”. If you grew up in church, you can probably sing much of it from memory – no hymnal (remember those??) or words on the screen needed….”Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me…..”. Even if you didn’t spend much time in church, you may be familiar with the words, or at least the tune, from other settings – funerals and memorial services, movies, TV shows, solemn ceremonies.

There is so much comfort, in its familiarity.

There is so much comfort, in the words “that saved a wretch like me!” We are wretched people. I am. You are. Humanity is…marred by the sin of pride and hatred and rebellion. Even our very best actions are tainted by sin. We are wretched, indeed – and how amazing is that grace, that saves us…you…me.

But today on this 49th birthday, I find a different kind of hope, in the words of this song. In the same way that I was drawn to verse 5 in Psalm 139, above…I am drawn to the third stanza of this hymn that was first introduced to a church congregation in 1773:

Through many dangers, toils, and snares,
I have already come;
‘Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

What prompted Newton to pen these words? Was it the near shipwreck he survived, which ultimately led him to surrender his soul to God? Was it the journey from life as a slave trader, to abolitionist, eventually writing honestly about the horrors of the slave trade world, and supporting Wilbur Wilberforce in the fight to abolish the African Slave Trade through parliament in 1807? Was it the stroke he suffered? Or, maybe it was watching his friend and parishioner, William Cowper struggle through intense bouts of depression, darkness and insanity, as they worked to write hymns that eventually comprised the Olney Hymns?

Tony Reinke, writing about the hymn “Amazing Grace” at DesiringGod.org, captures it best, I think, when he summed up Newton’s grasp of grace: ““Newton was aware of the ongoing grace upholding his life. And his future was completely in the hands of God’s mercy, too.”

And friends, this is where I find myself, today – on my birthday, as I look back on 48 years of life in this temporary home here on earth, and as I look forward to the years that lie away before I reach my eternal home:

God has brought me through many dangers, toils and snares.

Some dangers I can speak of freely. Some are too painful to utter. Some are of my own sinful choices – consequences of my own rebellion. Others dangers that he has brought me through, were at the hands of others sinful behavior. Some snares have snagged me for a while – others have been momentary temptations that I have, through grace along, broken free. Some toils have nearly broken me. Some have made me stronger. Some have driven me to my knees. All – every single danger, toil and snare – I have already come through….only because His grace has brought me safe…thus far.

And grace will lead me home.

My future – like Newton’s, and like each and every one of us – is in God’s hands. I think there is a real danger…and real temptation…in assuming that life is a mountain, and at some point, we can coast downhill. There is a tragic storyline that says that once a hard-fought battle is won, all that remains is to rest and remember the victory. Life is not like that. And God is not like that – He continually refines us. Shapes us. Molds us. He convicts, rebukes, comforts, saves…and loves us. As 139:5 states – we are hemmed in not only behind through the dangers, toils and snares He has brought us through – but we are also hemmed in before, as the calendar days roll on, bringing new joys and griefs. He lays His hand upon us, till one day, we shall see him face-to-face.

Sunday at my church, I will be singing the old hymn “Be Still My Soul”, with a short portion of “What A Friend We Have in Jesus”. I chose this song intentionally, with this birthday week in mind – and mainly for this line: “Leave to thy God, to order and provide…in every change, He faithful will remain.”

His faithfulness I have known to be truth in the days that have passed, and I cling to it as I look to the days ahead.

The Rough Road

September 10, 2018 By Shelly Durkee

“My path has been rough, but I have not had one trial which my Heavenly Father could, in faithfulness, have spared me. I have not a doubt now, I shall see hereafter, that all His dealings with me have been for my good.” Susan Huntington, 1791-1823)

“In faithfulness.”

That’s the phrase that caught my soul, when I came across this quote from Susan Huntington while reading through a radio transcript featuring Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, at the Revive Our Hearts website.

Susan Huntington was a pastor’s wife in New England in the early 1800s. According to the online sketches and biographies I’ve found about Susan, she was well-read in both scripture and theological commentaries. She was devoted to doing scripture study in order to fuel her own faith, and she shared what she learned with other women in her community, as well as her children.

She also was no stranger to hard, earth-shattering days:

She lost both of her parents in her mid-20’s
When she was 8 months pregnant, her husband died
Within 3 years of the loss of her husband, two of her children died
At age 33, Susan died after a long, painful illness

Her road was rough.

There are some who are reading this who may be experiencing suffering of this magnitude, but truly the mass majority of us have not experienced such tragic heartache, in such a small breath of time.

But, whether we have – or we haven’t – we have all known and walked the rough road, at one time or another.

And, there are some of us who have felt our souls utter, along with Job, the words “Though He slay me…..”, all the while struggling with willing our hearts and minds to cling to the second part of the phrase in Job 13:15: “…yet I will hope in Him.”

There are times that our roads do not only seem rough – they seem impassable.

That brings me back to Susan Huntington’s words, quoted above – “My path has been rough, but I have not had one trial which my Heavenly Father could, in faithfulness, have spared me.”

It’s the phrase “in faithfulness” that drives me to write tonight.

This would be a much different sentence, if the words “in faithfulness” had been omitted.

I often find hope in God’s sovereignty. While I struggled with the truth of His sovereignty for many years, I have come to a place where…most days…I realize that my hope is most assured, in the truth that He is sovereign. That He is ruler and orchestrates all that passes through my life – He knows the measure of my days, and while I do not understand, it is enough that He does. It is enough, that He goes before and behind me, as the quote by John Greenleaf Whittier describes, featured at the top of my website: “Before me, even as behind, God is – and all is well.”

Amen.

But there is something about the words from Susan Huntington, in her own attempt to describe the role of God’s sovereignty in the hard things of her life, that gives me pause: “in faithfulness”.

I think that it may be this:

It’s not just that God allows things to happen in our lives – hard things, shattering things, heart-stopping things….

an illness, loss of a loved one, financial hardship, abandonment – the list is long, and personal for each one of us….

but the beauty of His sovereignty is that, if He spares of us some of these hard things that make our road rough, He would not be faithful.

And, He is, oh, so very faithful.

It is one of His attributes. One of His characteristics.

We see it throughout scripture:

2 Timothy 2:13: “…if we are faithless, he remains faithful—for he cannot deny himself.”

2 Thessalonians 3:3: “But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.”

1 Corinthians 1:9: “God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.”

But I think it is the often quoted Jeremiah 29:11-13, that Susan Huntington’s use of the phrase “in faithfulness” has helped me to grasp at a different level tonight:

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”

My road has been rough.

Despair. Doubt. Fear. Abandonment. Hopelessness.

These have often been my companions.

But.

God – in his faithfulness, allowed me to walk this road. He ordered this road for me, much like the words of the hymn “Be Still My Soul”:

Be still, my soul, The Lord is on thy side
Bear patiently, the cross of grief or pain
Leave to thy God, to order and provide
In every change, He faithful will remain.

Author: Kathrina von Schlegel

He has ordered the road I have walked – and, He has provided what I have needed, along the path.

And He has never changed. He has been faithful. And, precisely because He is faithful, He could not have spared me any of the rough road.

He has known and does know His plans for me – and for you, dear reader – and the rough road is at times, the road of hope – even if that hope is not fully known until we reach our eternal home, where our hope will be manifested in ways beyond our earthly comprehension can fathom.

Therefore, friends, take comfort in Susan Huntington’s words – this young mother who walked the rough road and died at age 33. If she could speak to us today, I am certain that she would tell us that yes – His dealings with her had been for her good.

And, His dealings with us – in joy and sorrow – are also for our very good.

Be still, my soul, thy best thy heavenly friend
Through thorny ways, leads to a joyful end.